Here’s a look at why some countries have happier kids – which is the foundation for happier adults, and a more fulfilling life experience.
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Dutch kids aren’t stressed out: What Americans can learn from how the Netherlands raises children
UNICEF rated Dutch children the happiest in the world,
and American kids aren’t even in the top 25. Here’s why.
Sunday, Mar 26, 2017
Two toddlers have just chased each other to the top of a jungle gym while their mothers are lost in conversation on a nearby park bench. A gang of older children in tracksuits comes racing along the bike path, laughing. They overtake a young mom, who is cycling slowly, balancing a baby in a seat on the front of her bike and a toddler on the back. A group of girls is playing monkey-in-the-middle on the grass. Not far away, some boys are perfecting their skateboarding moves.
None of the school-age children are accompanied by adults. This is no movie, just a happy scene on a regular Wednesday afternoon in Amsterdam’s Vondelpark.
In 2013, UNICEF rated Dutch children the happiest in the world. According to researchers, Dutch kids are ahead of their peers in well-being when compared with twenty-nine of the world’s richest industrialized countries. The U.S. ranked twenty-sixth, just above Lithuania, Latvia and Romania – the three poorest countries in the survey.
As an American mom and a British mom, both of us married to Dutchmen and raising our kids in the Netherlands, it’s hard not to notice how happy Dutch children are. The scene we described above should give you an idea why:
Childhood over here consists of freedom,
plenty of play and little academic stress.
When we compare notes with friends back home, we hear horror stories, often to do with draconian selection processes to get into schools, starting at the tender age of three. These days there’s even such a thing as “good” or “bad” birthdays and “red-shirting” to ensure children have a head start over the other children in the class. In America, parenting has evolved into a highly competitive, exhausting business and schooling into a warzone with children drilled like miniature soldiers.
Of all the parenting decisions we have to make, our child’s education is one of the most fundamental. Education is seen as the route to success and a guarantee of a happy future. No American parent can ever be sure they’ve made the right decision, whether they’ve chosen private or state schooling. If you don’t get your kid into a good nursery school, they won’t get into a good prep school. A good prep school is essential to get your child into a decent middle and then high school. And, of course, a decent high school is essential to get a place at the best university.
Many parents will go to great lengths to get their child into the right school – taking out an extra mortgage, or moving to a different town.
But in the Netherlands, childhood is unencumbered with any of these particular concerns. Education has a different purpose:
The route to a child’s well-being
and their individual development.
Schools in highly-populated areas use a lottery process to select students, rather than competitive entrance exams and heart-wrenching interviews. To get into most college programs, all a student needs is to pass high school exams at the right level. As a result, there is no real pressure to get straight A’s. In order to come to grips with the Dutch school system, we had to let go of a lot of things we’d been brought up to believe in and re-examine what education was all about.
In Dutch primary schools, kids start school at four but don’t start structured, formal learning — reading, writing, arithmetic — until six years old, Year 3. If they show interest in these subjects earlier, they are provided with the materials to explore them. Children may learn to read and write in their first year of school this way, but there is no pressure. Classmates who learn to read later, at six or seven, show no particular disadvantage and soon catch up.
Most schoolchildren don’t get any homework until they leave primary school. It’s unsurprising; a growing body of research suggests that homework for young children is a waste of time and has little or no benefit in enhancing learning or performance. Play, which is also a learning process, and having fun are considered more important here in the Low Countries than getting ahead academically.
According to the American National Institute for Child Health and Human Development,
“Reading is the single most important skill neces-
sary for a happy, productive and successful life.
A child that is an excellent reader is a confi-
dent child and has a high level of self-esteem.”
By not forcing children to read too early, reading becomes a pleasure, not a chore.
Joyful illiterate preschoolers
Rina’s three-year old Julius attends peuterspeelzaal (playschool) four times a week. At each session there are, at most, sixteen children, supervised by two teachers. Julius is shy and doesn’t talk much around strangers or in big groups, and is getting extra help to develop his language skills — but through play rather than formal instruction.
A typical session at playschool involves play, listening to stories, arts and crafts, and music. There’s no attempt to teach the letters of the alphabet or numbers. Dutch playschool revolves around children doing what they enjoy best — playing, and interacting with other children. Cool, calm Dutch moms seem to love the laid-back approach which the teachers assure them is the best for their kids.
A Dutch friend, Maria, who lives in San Francisco with her husband and six-year-old, muses,
“Being an outsider, I’m constantly amazed at how
American moms are different from Dutch moms.
My mind is blown on a daily basis. There’s this pre-
occupation with reading at a young age — they
believe that the ability for younger kids to learn to
read and write and recognize numbers will some-
how mean more success later in their academic life.”
Ottilie, another Dutch mom living in San Francisco, says,
“Both my kids started reading ‘— when they were almost
seven. The school flagged them for reading help at the
age of six, but I turned it down. I wanted to wait, since
it’s thought normal in Holland that not all kids are
ready to read at five or six. Then, when they were
turned seven, they both started reading.
“They advanced super-fast and have since been
avid readers, reading at higher levels than is
standard for their grade. If they had had speci-
alist help, that program would have received the
credit for this. But I’m convinced that kids, as long
as they don’t have dyslexia or other learning issues,
will simply learn how to read when they are ready.”
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A couple of keys seem particularly relevant. Their kids spend more time playing, in unstructured playground activities. That’s how I grew up. Today, however, there seems to be more fear of allowing children to just “go out and play.” A mother in Bethesda, Maryland wanted her kids to walk – to go to the corner, to the store, to explore their neighborhood … “and be back for dinner.” Neighbors, seeing unsupervised children, called the police. The situation actually ended up in court!
The freedom to play – to learn to create your own structure in an unstructured setting – gives rise to greater creativity and, as the survey demonstrates, to greater happiness … both in childhood and later in adult life.
The other lesson seems to relate to “readiness.” I recall my first son wanted out of diapers at age 2½, while my second son seemed comfortable with his messes until he was four. The same variance happened when it came to reading … though the younger one caught up when he was of a mind to do so. I especially like the line …
By not forcing children to read too early,
reading becomes a pleasure, not a chore.
If reading is a pleasure, we’re more likely to continue that pleasure … and will be more likely to lead a more fulfilling life. Our Quality-of-Life experience is truly a part of “sustainable living.”